I'm Not Ready for This

I was a little sad yesterday. It's not a logical sadness, so I'll just explain.

While spending time with my daughter and her friends at college, I was truly proud of how adult they all are. They were busy in the kitchen chopping, marinading, boiling and cooking. As they were doing all of this, they got along better than any family I've ever seen. They each knew what the others would do before they even did. They enjoyed good conversation and teased each other -- especially when one had a "mom" moment. And they took turns making sure I had a beverage and anything else I might need.

While standing in the kitchen watching all of this I had an ah ha moment -- I'm not needed.

This is where it is illogical. My job as a parent is to raise self-sufficient children who can go off on their own and live their own lives. Watching her, I felt that my job is done, there is nothing she needs from me anymore.

The past 22 years have gone by SO fast! (Well, except for those first few months when she did not sleep through the night.) How did that little baby, huge toddler, super cute kindergardener, obnoxious high school student and nervous college freshman turn into this adult?

I'm just not ready for this!

But then again, I survived that first day of kindergarten. And I survived moving her into her first dorm and everything in between. And whenever I needed it, I waited until I got back to the parking lot before I cried.

Yesterday, I again waited until I was in the parking lot before I cried.