Being Random

Yesterday my husband and I went to Dougie's funeral. We had never met his parents, sister or his nieces or nephews before. But it felt important to be there -- for them.

All of our parents are gone. We've planned funerals. We know that as hard as it is to get through the actual day, having people show up to share that pain with you is extremely helpful. Actually, having people show up to share their love of that person is even better.

There are people we expect to show up -- relatives, good friends, neighbors -- having them around is invaluable! We expect them to support us -- they do -- and we will support them when it is their turn. It's what we do for people we care about.

Then there are random people -- those who show up at a funeral, but the family members didn't know them.

When my dad died, there were so many people who came up to me to say, "You don't know me, but I knew your dad. Here is something great about him." Most of them had driven at least 2 hours to be there.

I ended up with a whole new picture of my Dad. He had a lot of friends I didn't know existed. He had a lot of casual acquaintances who really liked him. He made them laugh, he offered advice, sometimes he would just have a beer and listen. All of those funny and inspiring stories about my dad were a surprise -- he had touched people in ways I never knew! I've thought about those people over the years, and even now, more than 10 years later, I smile knowing my dad made an impact on so many people.

It took me a while, (after my mom died 3 years ago) but I finally decided that I would become a random person. I would be a person who shows up unexpectedly and says, "You don't know me, but your loved one was great!"

After introducing myself to Dougie's sister yesterday, she said: I see so many faces of people who I have never seen before. It feels good knowing all of these people knew and cared about my brother.

I'm glad I was able to be one of so many people who made that day a little better for her.