Dance Like you Are at an Art Festival?

Last weekend my husband and I went to an art festival held downtown by the river.

After we grabbed some food, we sat in the amphitheater to eat and listen to local bands. We showed up a few minutes before the band was to start and listened to recorded music blasting from the speakers while we waited.

Understandably, there weren't a lot of people sitting there. The weather had been rotten all weekend and the turnout for that day was very light.

But, there was one guy who seemed to be really enjoying the music. In the space between the stage and the first row of seats, he danced all by himself. He seemed oblivious of the people sitting there watching him. His movements were both erratic and graceful as he alternated between moving with the music or on the off beat. For at least 15 minutes he danced -- moving in his own little world.

As we watched him, at first I was simply amused. What a silly man he is, I thought. After a while, I tried to figure him out. Was he with one of the local bands and he is just relaxing between sets? Is he just someone who loves music? Is he mentally ill?

After a couple of minutes, though, I started to become jealous. Here was a man who felt like moving to the music and was totally uninhibited. He wanted to dance, so he got up and danced. He wasn't doing it for attention, he wasn't dancing because he was required to, he just wanted to dance.

How many times in my life have I wanted to feel that free, but I just couldn't let go. What if I look stupid? What if I'm not good enough? What if people laugh at me? (In my defense, I have no rhythm. People do laugh when I dance.)

I've spent my entire life being conservative and restrained. I'm very good at NOT making a spectacle of myself. I'm very good at watching other people have fun and enjoy themselves.

Over the past year or so, I have tried things that are outside my comfort zone. And the truth is, I don't remember regretting any of them. Despite the positive reinforcement I gained from those experiences, I am still that inhibited, conservative person. (I have to laugh because I was just thinking that I should plan to have a spontaneous moment.)

I hope that someday I am comfortable enough with myself that I, too, can dance like I'm at an art festival.