Miss, Ma'am or Young Lady?

On my 30th birthday, I was called "ma'am" for the first time ever by a really nice, polite young man. I freaked, overreacted, and said loudly, "Don't you ever call me that again!" (I may have shouted.)

Since then I have accepted the fact that many polite people call women ma'am. I'm OK with it.

Today at lunch the waiter called me "miss." I flinched. No, it isn't bad to be called miss when you are under 30, but at nearly 50? I kinda felt insulted, though I wasn't really sure why. I understand why more and more service staff are hesitant to use ma'am, but miss made me feel old. It felt like he was saying, "I know ma'am is upsetting to people your age, so I'll be safe with miss."

The good thing is he didn't call me "young lady." Yeah, this one is the worst. Once waiters start calling a woman "young lady," it means you are so damn old they think you are too stupid to realize you are really being called old. I don't know many 80-year-olds who are fooled by this. And have you noticed, it is almost always an overly friendly male waiter who does this? I don't recall a woman ever calling another woman young lady, unless she truly was a young lady.

It is all very confusing. Men have it much easier. If a man is called "sir," it is a sign of respect -- it has nothing to do with age, marital status or anything else. (I have occasionally heard "sir"used sarcastically, but that is another issue.)

Knowing my obsession with my age, my friends did notice that the waiter called me miss. The consensus among them (besides the fact I'm overly sensitive) was that "miss" was better than "ma'am." Of course, they are all much younger than I am (other than Gary).

And I discovered they are right. According to an informal poll of women I know over the age of 40: miss is better than ma'am. One even threw in "my lady" as her preference. I LOVE that! But how on earth do you tell a waiter, "Please don't call me miss, I prefer (dramatic pause) my lady."

Regardless, I'm glad I'm not in a profession where I have to choose the least offensive way to address adult female patrons. So, I'll just give all of those people in service industries a break. Their jobs are hard enough without people like me over-reacting to being addressed politely.